TheCourtRose

More typical is the madcap rush A decision made, flight booked, boxes packed and gone, gone, gone No lingering kisses or slow remembrance No in-between grey of no longer here, but not there quite yet Except for this time It is no easy feat to shut the door on 5 years of a place A heavy chapter with leather bound pages and bold stroked ink The characters clamoring for their monologues and soliloquies and because they mean the world to you, you must give them due Because, who knows? Right? That's why it hurts, why the chapter is made of lead From here forward, who knows Who knows about returns, about futures Who knows, truly, what comes next All goodbyes are blind, folded against the reality of stepping into the abyss So, despite the urge to leave quiet, quickly, letting yourself be a stain of lipstick on the mirror, a left behind scarf You endure the ritual of letting go You close the pages because the alternative to being blindfolded is risking that f

Wanting you has become a visceral thing Descending from dream into every day I simply wait for the longing to come an expected afternoon occurrence around 3pm Noon winds down, the arms of clocks sweeping low Wondering why my arms are empty of you Where are you to discuss the day, talk stories, share poetry? We're supposed to watch the sun sink slowly, holding our breath as the sky smartly changes coats, sunbeams giving way to a swollen night Convinced my collarbone is bereft of your teeth for no good reason at all I know you'd put your coat over my shoulders in the falling chill Just as surely as I know the glint in your eye, the unspoken ache forever beneath your words, and the field of fireflies you've held in secret for my escape As familiar as the dream when you slid your arms about my waist, your face in the mirror I find you, again again in my mind and on the page A thousand miles away, right next to me, all at once Can't pinpoint when this,

She asked me for my fear when I burned the dried rose at her feet though she was not one to demand sacrifice My heart, full to brim with yearning, an unfamiliar loneliness, yet scoured clean by the rolling tide of uncertainty, faltered in its answer Before, she would raise her chin, surround me in her cloak The cats shifting restless about us, vying for attention and I knew then, I knew she was the better part of me But to rip my fear away from me now? It is too much I watch the bow of her lips and unrelenting eyes The feathers of her cloak shift, their dark reflecting lantern flames For a moment, I felt her chariot drive into my heart, demanding an answer- What am I willing to give for what I seek? I cry out, clutching tighter to the fear that has become so familiar to my soul I look back upon the girl I was, casting myself to her feet so willingly, a candle flame hungry for its maker I see the woman I am, no longer a candle, but a roaring inferno