Besieged

I am lily white,
ivory bound
Skin the same hue as bones and teeth
Casper, whispering and floating,
thick-coated snow bunny insulated from the ice
Even my silence is vanilla flavored

Fingers made of asphalt chalk
for outlines of black bodies on back roads
and writing on blackboards
for white-washed history

My lily-liver wants to flock away
in a white flight from besieged cities
Write from afar with a safety pin in one hand
and a latte in the other

Atop a crystalline, snow-peaked mountain,
an apologetic "color blind" apex predator
Gaining purchase on top of black backs, brown arms
Looking away from the skin beneath my boot
because I have the privilege to do so

Vomit in my mouth
Aware of my own shame
and knowing full well my discomfort is only that...
un-comfortable
My body is not in danger
My involvement is selective and "appropriate"
When I tire,
back behind those lacy curtains I go

My creamy bubble popped
when the blood on my hands stained me pink
The mirror in the front room cracked and called me coward

Self-imposed rheumatism clouding my irises
Excuses because three diplomas and a good heart
should surely be enough, right?
Enough for me to not be one of them
The quiet, unaware, distracted and pale masses

I am

I am a princess in an ivory tower,
climbing down my own hair

I am showing up with the wetted tusks of an elephant and ears just as large
I can no longer afford to be that shivering bunny hiding inside snowfall
You could never afford for me to be so

Winter arrived long ago
and it's not handing out gold stars for acknowledging the fucking weather

This winter will whip through my flesh and scour it clean
until I truly am all teeth and bones

Until I am the color of claws,
tips stained from blood and dirt

Until the gap-tooth grin of my mouth is both maw and grimace,
issuing a terrifying challenge

Until the chalk of my hands turns to limestone
to build new monuments,
instead of fabricating history
instead of outlining the bodies of our people in concrete

Of our people

Until this Casper stops being a ghost and puts both feet on the ground

Until the snow melts
leaving all of us standing in sunlight,
blinking at our besieged city

At our besieged city