TheCourtRose

Perhaps there is a No between my shoulder blades I have separated my toes and looked behind my ears already I am afraid to dig, to cut my body open and root around Kept it superficial for sanity's sake There could be a No tucked into a lung, though or adjacent to the appendix It may just be a matter of searching long enough and hard enough- wanting a No badly enough to manifest its existence inside My skin is definitely saying Yes- as are my lips and hips and hair and hands Despite my best efforts my body is screaming affirmation I don't have the stomach to look inside my heart just yet It has never lied, nor hidden anything from me If I slice open my sternum, I will know for certain and today, I am not ready for that truth Needless to say all this unfolding is wildly inconvenient

In my loneliest moments when I am a child fearing the dark you are gone from me as if night itself ripped you from my arms I reach for you in empty spaces Turn corners still calling your name Confused because you were only just here I was holding your hand and making you laugh You were gazing at me with soft, clouded eyes Light dripping from your ever-shrinking frame Body dissolving to make room for your erupting soul And erupt it did! Up and out and away from me In my best moments your multi-colored flight gives me joy but even breathing hurts now My lungs register your absence as a lack of air Shadows creep closer, filling the unoccupied space I will never forgive the night for leaving me here without you … so you send me butterflies from the other side of the door They cascade across my gardens and follow me when I walk Caterpillars, too On the verge of their own arrival, struggling in their cocoons Such insistent life! Even on