From the Other Side of the Door

In my loneliest moments
when I am a child fearing the dark
you are gone from me as if night itself ripped you from my arms

I reach for you in empty spaces
Turn corners still calling your name
Confused because you were only just here
I was holding your hand and making you laugh
You were gazing at me with soft, clouded eyes
Light dripping from your ever-shrinking frame
Body dissolving to make room for your erupting soul

And erupt it did!
Up and out and away from me

In my best moments
your multi-colored flight gives me joy
but even breathing hurts now
My lungs register your absence as a lack of air
Shadows creep closer, filling the unoccupied space
I will never forgive the night for leaving me here without you

… so you send me butterflies from the other side of the door
They cascade across my gardens and follow me when I walk
Caterpillars, too
On the verge of their own arrival, struggling in their cocoons
Such insistent life!
Even on the other side of the door
you have not forgotten me

I know you are just there
I press my hand against the wood
It is warm and pulsing, stained with sunshine

I can breathe

I know you are waiting
When the time is right, it will open for me

But for now-
you send me butterflies

(Dedicated to Patti Prudente and her mother)

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