Lice

In my dream

the toilets were clogged and overflowing

Our father, in thigh rubber boots, managed to

slosh through the shit without much of a blink

I was gagging

My skin crawled with lice, through my hair and over my lips

While you looked on, as if none of this had anything to do with you

In reality

I kissed your head when we were in the courtroom

Wanting so much to reach the you underneath

chemical tracks and unhinged doorways

The stale smell of baby powder hit my nose

I wondered the last time you showered

I was your sister for a split second

with my lips against your hair

But you're really a husk of once-was,

never-will-be, has-beens

I can't give up on you

I can't save you

When we visited our father in the hospital

you were too weak to walk in shoes you chose

because mother said you were too skinny

just the day before

I carried you in the parking garage so your feet

would stop hurting

I love you

I'm tired of carrying you