TheCourtRose

She came upon me Blue-eyes blazing and flames dancing around her Holding a knife to my throat, with love and rage suffusing her features, my eyes and throat clogged with the smell of ash and brimstone Her wings encircled me, buffeting against my skin with a terrible sound My reflection gazed back at me from the blade she held aloft Look at it! she cried when I tried to turn away I fell to my knees My image was covered in muck and mire, blood and sinew I was struggling from the depths, scratching, slashing, crying out Weeping, I crawled along, like a worm Never looking up At what point will you stand up, my child? she asked When will you stand? Ashamed, embarrassed, exhausted with tears standing in my eyes I looked from the blade and into her burning face I am waiting for you to stand

She made eye contact across the table and threw back her drink A gauntlet thrown for me to pick up I tipped mine back and my world tipped over The last discernable memory I have Evidently being carried across the street ass over end, retching down the side of a car, having newly colored locks held away from a heaving face, and one liquid-filled phone call later is how I finally managed to turn myself off Except a pocket of memory somewhere in between I had said, I'm standing on the edge of a blade On one side, I love him On the other side, I need freedom She looked at me and said, You're forgetting the third side There's a handle, love You can hold on to these two things It never occured to me, until several rounds in, that as out of control as I finally am I'm beginning to truly hang on to myself

#1. First- The tiger must realize that the cage is gone. When raised in captivity and used to confined spaces a tiger will pace the same square footage even when there are no bars to confine her This may be the hardest part of all Convincing a broken, neglected creature that there is nothing to fear any more is a monument to itself But once this is accomplished the pressure of the sky and the wide open spaces may send her seeking refuge shadow cover familiarity Anything to get her away from the wild unknown She doesn't know that she's a tiger, you see And under the power of handlers, seeing a black-and-white world through strips of a metal, her perspective is skewed off limited The world can see she's a tiger But she cannot Not yet anyway

Saying I love you, letting you go was not the hardest part Getting off my knees and closing the door behind me I thought would hurt more The stairs going down, it hit me Every step down was one more step away from you Sitting on your steps and crying for eternity seemed like my only option but your building echoes and there are babies sleeping and my tears tonight could wake the world Left foot, right foot, left foot My steps are hollow, bouncing goodbyes I never wanted The you that was mine tucked far away I watched him fade from your eyes You smiled for me, my friend once more, but my lover no longer We were the best of each other while breaking apart You put yourself aside, knowing I never meant to hurt you I was more honest with myself, and more brave The irony being that as we're ending, I only love you more I called my girlfriend a thousand miles away Her voice carried me down the stairs, pulled me up when I would've sat down and somehow I made it ou

When Aunt Claudette died and her parlor was empty of playing poker I took down the wrinkling, yellowed, rose covered  wallpaper and made a backpack It smells cloyingly of cigarette smoke and bottled Sherry (She'd wink at me and say the bottle was only for cooking) Aunt Claudette wasn't really my aunt but she'd been in the family for so long, it's just the way it was Hunkered down for card games and her favorite radio shows, her stocking always ended up rolled down to her knees The edges of her wallpaper curled like her stockings I offered to scrape her walls clean, start anew She would say thank you and wave off the suggestion with mild irritation Her wallpaper was stained and curled Her poker games were on Friday nights and radio just wasn't the same after they stopped playing "The Shadow" It's just the way it was She heart stopped on a rainy Wednesday night They found her on the cream colored sofa, stockings askew, her radio in