TheCourtRose

She would dance, but would not sing He did not know this when he found her on the edge of the wild woods Bloodied, savage, but alive Hair in tangles and green eyes blazing But he discovered this soon enough He had been walking alone for years now At first glance, one would say it was a saunter, but closer inspection clearly betrayed weariness in his tread He was lonely, you see and thinking he may be cursed after all But being of the cynical yet hopeful variety, he walked on- Hoping that being hopeful was right, but having lost too many times before, did not hold to hope at all Yet no part of his soul could leave a lady by the highway, so he offered to walk with her awhile Her feet were bleeding, her hands were raw but she carried herself well, so the wounds barely showed Like him, you would have to look twice It’d taken all the courage she’d had to fight through the woods and find her way clear She’d been lost for so long, so very long in

Nearly four years now and I only just found the compass Standing inside the spokes was like leveling up and recharging for the next round It pointed north, straight into Buckingham Fountain I looked at the now dark and quiet water, where only moments before I had put my adulthood aside and splashed about Through the darkness of the park, teenagers are playing hide-and-seek Their shadows cross paths with the statues of Peter Pan I can see all this feel all this from standing inside a compass I never knew was there This old/new city Once white, but now steel and sky I am seeing you with my own eyes now How am I finding bits of myself everywhere when before there were only memories belonging to someone else? I have not been paying attention And what does the compass tell me? Stay or go Home or just another stop on a longer road I still don't know for sure But I'll be damned if I didn't find my next step in the last place I expected

Another lonely night Purposefully silent except for a few chosen songs Talking is alien to my tongue Words fall useless and tired from my lips Tonight, if it's not honest, I want no part This room is dark except for a blue, white screen Writing even this connects me to painful choices Paths long forgotten and hazy memories Tears fall so easily  these days, I hardly recognize my mirror No buffer, you see No flesh and no hearts to dive into An acute withdrawal I once was a wicked queen of hearts But my long nails stain so easily now and all the games are draining

Saying your name over and over again was the only way I fell asleep last night Now I know what it means to ache for a person for a touch for a kiss for a scent I never understood before, but now I do And really wish I didn't

You're in my heart In my thoughts Crawling inside my blood and flooding my circuitry I try to shut you out Rip out my valves and empty myself of you if I could But I can't stop it I  count the days we're apart Like the age of a newborn infant  (22 days old and counting) Praying I'll reach a month, as if that will somehow make a difference Perhaps 4 solid weeks will mark the end of this searing pain But it doesn't stop I write, I walk, I think, I talk I put it on paper, I put it in words I am moving forward I am getting better but underneath it all I can't stop loving you I try to remember why I'm doing this But it took one look, one glance, seeing you just once, to bring me back to my knees I can't. Stop. At least, not today

Oh, you'll hear my coming and watch me pass by Will hear me long after But have I ever stopped to say hello? or look you in the eyes? When we made love, was I really there at all? I can't stand still because inside silence is the pain the uncertainty Quiet, clear, a bell ringing soft and urgent So, I keep moving Far and away, forever and ever Until I run around the world entire Each particle of past, present and future collide together I am either everything or nothing all at once For me, there's never been anything in between