Stairway(s)
Your car sat outside my building for a moment or two
Making a call, lighting a cigarette
I need to believe that you were catching your breath
Put my head against the cracked wall,
bracing my palms on the cool, cascading plaster
Not able to go up, not yet with the stairs so dark
You're you, I'm me
We are who we are
and again I am facing a stairway
"I love you" I had said
"For every step in your building, I love you
For every right foot and left foot, I love you
I love you, a thousand times, in a million places
In ten years of memory, I love you"
My building, this time, not yours
Going up and not down
Leaving your car a woman instead of a girl
Things have changed, but not this tornado of starlight
Every step up these stairs is a step away,
but closer to something else
Closer to who I'm meant to be
Irony, yes, that I finally see me as you always have
Too late
Words, so furious in my lips and hands,
are slow to come tonight
Not enough letters in the alphabet to articulate
or stars in the sky to map
Not enough breath in these lungs to explain
what we are
One embrace and I could crawl beneath your skin once more,
as if that would be enough
This blue moon love echoes in my chest,
your name and eyes tattooed into my bones
I would not unwrite our story if the heavens threatened
to leap from the sky in protest
So, instead I'll leave this here-
Beneath eyelashes that clumped with tears and confusion,
below the broken hearted bitterness that assaulted my soul,
outside of what shattered dreams poisoned my ear
I knew you loved me
even when hesitation stole your tongue
even when months kept silent
even when we finally moved on
I knew it unquestioningly, a heartbeat
Are you still in your car, the radio crackling?
I feel as if I am still at the bottom of the stairs,
a fresh goodbye on my lips
The firmament in all its possibilities is ahead
and no matter how hard I fight,
the story of you and I will forever be a constellation in my sky
Overhead,
a soft echo of light to illuminate the steps
Making a call, lighting a cigarette
I need to believe that you were catching your breath
Put my head against the cracked wall,
bracing my palms on the cool, cascading plaster
Not able to go up, not yet with the stairs so dark
You're you, I'm me
We are who we are
and again I am facing a stairway
"I love you" I had said
"For every step in your building, I love you
For every right foot and left foot, I love you
I love you, a thousand times, in a million places
In ten years of memory, I love you"
My building, this time, not yours
Going up and not down
Leaving your car a woman instead of a girl
Things have changed, but not this tornado of starlight
Every step up these stairs is a step away,
but closer to something else
Closer to who I'm meant to be
Irony, yes, that I finally see me as you always have
Too late
Words, so furious in my lips and hands,
are slow to come tonight
Not enough letters in the alphabet to articulate
or stars in the sky to map
Not enough breath in these lungs to explain
what we are
One embrace and I could crawl beneath your skin once more,
as if that would be enough
This blue moon love echoes in my chest,
your name and eyes tattooed into my bones
I would not unwrite our story if the heavens threatened
to leap from the sky in protest
So, instead I'll leave this here-
Beneath eyelashes that clumped with tears and confusion,
below the broken hearted bitterness that assaulted my soul,
outside of what shattered dreams poisoned my ear
I knew you loved me
even when hesitation stole your tongue
even when months kept silent
even when we finally moved on
I knew it unquestioningly, a heartbeat
Are you still in your car, the radio crackling?
I feel as if I am still at the bottom of the stairs,
a fresh goodbye on my lips
The firmament in all its possibilities is ahead
and no matter how hard I fight,
the story of you and I will forever be a constellation in my sky
Overhead,
a soft echo of light to illuminate the steps
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