Blink

The house was on the hill
and from a night of pub crawling
we made it to the top
Already too many bottles to count,
my ID fallen into the sofa, although
I didn't know that at the time

Your roommate would hand it to me
the next morning
when I grabbed my apple red coat
His brogue would stop my hand on the door jamb,
a knowing look on his face

A day later he would say at the bar,
where I went out of pride
to look you in the eye, flip back my hair
in nonchalance I could not feel,
"I saw you
in that bright red coat of yours
as you were doing
your dirty little slut walk back home"

I never should have been in the house on the hill
and when my friend left for the night,
I should have grabbed my coat,
gone with him instead
Weeks before,
when you said I was all boots and bitch,
you explained love to me,
"Find a girl who's like a dog.
You can kick her and she'll keep coming back"
Smarter to know this was your life philosophy,
not a game, or a challenge

I blinked
and a few more bottles were on the table
Your roommate with his girl upstairs
I blinked
and said I just wanted to sleep,
but took my pants off and got into your bed
I blinked
and you were kissing me,

my bare legs in your sheets
I blinked
and I was on top of you,
wishing I wasn't
I blinked
but now on my back,
your face between my thighs
I blinked
and my one true coherent thought was
"I deserve this"
I blinked
but managed to say
"We shouldn't"
and luckily you agreed
I blinked
and it was morning

I kissed your shoulder lightly,
a parody of playfulness,
an intimacy that never existed
Said I was leaving and
you were too drunk to stir

I didn't know my way home
from the house on the hill
Just knew if I kept walking down
I'd get there eventually
My apple red coat billowed
on sea breeze,
wiped a leather sleeve across
my mouth