Mimm, the Monster in My Closet
A.
After much derision and research
Through loads of therapy and reams of poetry
I can finally admit to having a monster in my closet
She's large and purple and fuzzy and rather shy
She has three big green eyes, instead of one
and wild pink hair
Isn't fond of eating people but is very fond of cats
(For petting, rather than eating)
She does have an abominable temper, I must admit
and it comes out at the most awkward occasions
It's just that she hates being ignored
almost as much as she hates being seen
She doesn't fit very well in my closet these days
(I don't tell her this, but she's pretty big for her age)
I mean, ever since I found her it's been rather hard to put her back
Even though she's prone to envy, pouting and insecurity
Has selective hearing, falls in love too fast, has a bad temper and low self-esteem,
with tendencies towards over thinking and moodiness
Well,
she's mine after all
and it isn't her fault she's a monster
So, when I put on my hat and sit down for some tea
and think about where my life is going
I invite her to sit, give her a cup of Earl Grey in her favorite mug
(plenty of cream and sugar)
and I ask her how she came to be
Since I began inviting her to tea
her temper has calmed somewhat, which is good
Not all our conversations go so well
On a very bad day she turned the table over
and slammed the closet door in my face
What's funny to discover, though,
I do believe she has my best interests at heart
which is not something you'd expect of a monster
It's slow going, but we're kind of becoming friends
I'm beginning to like her, truth be told
I like her unruly pink hair and three big eyes
Her fur is soft and her hugs are fiercely protective
I rub her belly and tell her it's okay
Because it is okay
It really is okay
B.
A problem with having a huge purple monster at all is that she's... well... a monster. There's no polite way around that fact. And when I say she's huge, sometimes that's a vast understatement the exact size and shape of the Great Lakes. I guess it depends on the day, really. Sometimes she's tall enough to scrape the top of the closet. Other times she's bigger than my apartment. She's overwhelming. In my face. I'm eating her purple and pink fur, my mouth full of green polka dots. I have tufts of hair in my eyes as I'm smashed against the wall by her ferocity. All I can see is her. The smell of hope and mothballs clogs my nostrils. She's just so needy. And so damn protective. At the least provocation she does one of three things: She panics. She fights. Or she completely freezes up. A huge, raging, purple monster with three big eyes in a full blown panic is about as horrendous as you might expect. Seeing her fight is almost as worse. (Although underneath it all she doesn't really like hurting people, so she pulls her punches more often than not.) Watching a monster freeze up, go invisible, suddenly try to shrink its massive size is like watching a bull try to blend into the china shop he just accidentally destroyed. She and I are working on this. Our tea time helps. Trying to make a massive monster conscience of itself is about as hard as you'd expect. But all I've got is time.
C.
My monster may have a drinking problem
It's... currently in discussion
She doesn't wake with the shakes, by any means
Truthfully, she's a particularly sober creature
(Which may, in fact, be the problem)
If she'd unwind on a more regular basis,
perhaps drinking would not throw her so far over the edge
Maybe drinking it all away wouldn't be so compulsive, so tempting,
if it all was less dark and big and brooding
Over tea and cookies
(Loves white chocolate chip cookies, evidently)
I come to find that for such a physical being,
my monster feels locked in her own head most days
Trapped
Very much alone
Her fantasies make more sense and give her more pleasure
than the outside world
(A confusing, painful and beastly place)
I tell her that it must be lonely and exhausting
She nods hurriedly in agreement
I tell her that some horrible things have happened
when she's had too much to drink
She hangs her head and grunts assent
When she looks up again,
there are tears shining in her three big eyes
I sigh
and say
"I know you're a big girl, but I'm gonna keep my eye on you for a while.
You understand why, don't you?"
She snuffles and nods her head slowly
To soften the blow, I take one huge paw in my hands
"I love you. I've got all the time in the world to make this better."
That sets her off and she bursts into huge, monster-size tears
that begin to fill the room
Splashing slowly through the rising tide,
I grab the blanket from my bed and hand it to her
She blows her nose
like a foghorn far out to sea
Her nose is red, she eyes are blurry,
but her crooked fangs shine out through a lopsided grin
She looks relieved
And I understand,
for the first time,
I'm no longer afraid of her at all
D.
My monster has a monster in her closet
(Of the proverbial sort, rather than the literal)
It seems she's rather "commitment phobic"
I mean, no one could ever doubt her laser pointed ambition and survival skills
The things she has managed to accomplished despite being such a lumbering beast
with loads of color-coordinated baggage is pretty fantastic
(Commitment phobic, but insists on coordinating her baggage)
She's extraordinarily well traveled, my monster
but has a very hard time staying put
I'm her longest intimate relationship, truth be told
Now she's not sure what to do
because she's getting the urge to stay
Dig in
Hunker down
It's completely out of her character and she's feeling a bit awkward and scared
One of her comforts amidst all her uncertainty was her power to leave,
to just walk away and start over again
But things are changing
and my monster isn't sure what she wants anymore
I told her to sit still with it for a while
After all, that's all you can do with monsters-
proverbial, literal or otherwise
E.
It seems like the "green-eyed monster of jealousy" actually has three eyes instead of one. And she's having a very, very hard time controlling her temper right now. I think it's a possessive phase. (I hope it's just a phase because anyone this passionately jealous would surely implode into an exhausted pile of goo.) Her jealousy is just a symptom of being deeply insecure. But how do you explain that to a freakin' monster? I mean, explaining this to humans is hard enough, let alone explaining the intricacies of psychology to a polka-dotted, volatile, infantile, insecure monster. When I imply, barely mention, or hint that she may be feeling insecure (albeit for some good reasons) her tail puffs out like an angry cat. She sputters and stutters, hunches and hides, turns around faces the wall, turns back around and throws something, sits down and cries. Again. (There's been lots of crying.) Not sure whether to slap her, or hug her, I'm starting to pull out my own hair, and I don't have magical pink monster hair that regrows into perfect dandelion fluff. I'll go bald and completely mad. I'll be mad, bald and crying in the corner with a gigantic purple monster because I simply cannot figure out why she's so damn wounded and angry.
I don't want to say this.
But today I am too tired to deal with her.
As of this moment, right now, she is shaking and lost in the corner, very close to losing control. And me? All I am wondering is if it'll be easier to shove her in the closet, or simply let her run free.
After much derision and research
Through loads of therapy and reams of poetry
I can finally admit to having a monster in my closet
She's large and purple and fuzzy and rather shy
She has three big green eyes, instead of one
and wild pink hair
Isn't fond of eating people but is very fond of cats
(For petting, rather than eating)
She does have an abominable temper, I must admit
and it comes out at the most awkward occasions
It's just that she hates being ignored
almost as much as she hates being seen
She doesn't fit very well in my closet these days
(I don't tell her this, but she's pretty big for her age)
I mean, ever since I found her it's been rather hard to put her back
Even though she's prone to envy, pouting and insecurity
Has selective hearing, falls in love too fast, has a bad temper and low self-esteem,
with tendencies towards over thinking and moodiness
Well,
she's mine after all
and it isn't her fault she's a monster
So, when I put on my hat and sit down for some tea
and think about where my life is going
I invite her to sit, give her a cup of Earl Grey in her favorite mug
(plenty of cream and sugar)
and I ask her how she came to be
Since I began inviting her to tea
her temper has calmed somewhat, which is good
Not all our conversations go so well
On a very bad day she turned the table over
and slammed the closet door in my face
What's funny to discover, though,
I do believe she has my best interests at heart
which is not something you'd expect of a monster
It's slow going, but we're kind of becoming friends
I'm beginning to like her, truth be told
I like her unruly pink hair and three big eyes
Her fur is soft and her hugs are fiercely protective
I rub her belly and tell her it's okay
Because it is okay
It really is okay
B.
A problem with having a huge purple monster at all is that she's... well... a monster. There's no polite way around that fact. And when I say she's huge, sometimes that's a vast understatement the exact size and shape of the Great Lakes. I guess it depends on the day, really. Sometimes she's tall enough to scrape the top of the closet. Other times she's bigger than my apartment. She's overwhelming. In my face. I'm eating her purple and pink fur, my mouth full of green polka dots. I have tufts of hair in my eyes as I'm smashed against the wall by her ferocity. All I can see is her. The smell of hope and mothballs clogs my nostrils. She's just so needy. And so damn protective. At the least provocation she does one of three things: She panics. She fights. Or she completely freezes up. A huge, raging, purple monster with three big eyes in a full blown panic is about as horrendous as you might expect. Seeing her fight is almost as worse. (Although underneath it all she doesn't really like hurting people, so she pulls her punches more often than not.) Watching a monster freeze up, go invisible, suddenly try to shrink its massive size is like watching a bull try to blend into the china shop he just accidentally destroyed. She and I are working on this. Our tea time helps. Trying to make a massive monster conscience of itself is about as hard as you'd expect. But all I've got is time.
C.
My monster may have a drinking problem
It's... currently in discussion
She doesn't wake with the shakes, by any means
Truthfully, she's a particularly sober creature
(Which may, in fact, be the problem)
If she'd unwind on a more regular basis,
perhaps drinking would not throw her so far over the edge
Maybe drinking it all away wouldn't be so compulsive, so tempting,
if it all was less dark and big and brooding
Over tea and cookies
(Loves white chocolate chip cookies, evidently)
I come to find that for such a physical being,
my monster feels locked in her own head most days
Trapped
Very much alone
Her fantasies make more sense and give her more pleasure
than the outside world
(A confusing, painful and beastly place)
I tell her that it must be lonely and exhausting
She nods hurriedly in agreement
I tell her that some horrible things have happened
when she's had too much to drink
She hangs her head and grunts assent
When she looks up again,
there are tears shining in her three big eyes
I sigh
and say
"I know you're a big girl, but I'm gonna keep my eye on you for a while.
You understand why, don't you?"
She snuffles and nods her head slowly
To soften the blow, I take one huge paw in my hands
"I love you. I've got all the time in the world to make this better."
That sets her off and she bursts into huge, monster-size tears
that begin to fill the room
Splashing slowly through the rising tide,
I grab the blanket from my bed and hand it to her
She blows her nose
like a foghorn far out to sea
Her nose is red, she eyes are blurry,
but her crooked fangs shine out through a lopsided grin
She looks relieved
And I understand,
for the first time,
I'm no longer afraid of her at all
D.
My monster has a monster in her closet
(Of the proverbial sort, rather than the literal)
It seems she's rather "commitment phobic"
I mean, no one could ever doubt her laser pointed ambition and survival skills
The things she has managed to accomplished despite being such a lumbering beast
with loads of color-coordinated baggage is pretty fantastic
(Commitment phobic, but insists on coordinating her baggage)
She's extraordinarily well traveled, my monster
but has a very hard time staying put
I'm her longest intimate relationship, truth be told
Now she's not sure what to do
because she's getting the urge to stay
Dig in
Hunker down
It's completely out of her character and she's feeling a bit awkward and scared
One of her comforts amidst all her uncertainty was her power to leave,
to just walk away and start over again
But things are changing
and my monster isn't sure what she wants anymore
I told her to sit still with it for a while
After all, that's all you can do with monsters-
proverbial, literal or otherwise
E.
It seems like the "green-eyed monster of jealousy" actually has three eyes instead of one. And she's having a very, very hard time controlling her temper right now. I think it's a possessive phase. (I hope it's just a phase because anyone this passionately jealous would surely implode into an exhausted pile of goo.) Her jealousy is just a symptom of being deeply insecure. But how do you explain that to a freakin' monster? I mean, explaining this to humans is hard enough, let alone explaining the intricacies of psychology to a polka-dotted, volatile, infantile, insecure monster. When I imply, barely mention, or hint that she may be feeling insecure (albeit for some good reasons) her tail puffs out like an angry cat. She sputters and stutters, hunches and hides, turns around faces the wall, turns back around and throws something, sits down and cries. Again. (There's been lots of crying.) Not sure whether to slap her, or hug her, I'm starting to pull out my own hair, and I don't have magical pink monster hair that regrows into perfect dandelion fluff. I'll go bald and completely mad. I'll be mad, bald and crying in the corner with a gigantic purple monster because I simply cannot figure out why she's so damn wounded and angry.
I don't want to say this.
But today I am too tired to deal with her.
As of this moment, right now, she is shaking and lost in the corner, very close to losing control. And me? All I am wondering is if it'll be easier to shove her in the closet, or simply let her run free.
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