As She Grew

It was our secret
Daddy would say "Here sweetheart"
cut the apple to show me the star
The only person in the world who knew
where to find it
We shared it-
Apples in peanut butter
Peanut butter and honey sandwiches with apple slices
-between us

I grew and grew and grew
Curves started blooming,
so I stopped eating
to shrink, take up less space
On the Halloween they sold
caramel apples,
took one bite to throw it away
Tasted like being alone
and secrets now so far away

Years go, started to eat and continued to starve
Ingested, but did not taste
Grew, widened, became enlarged
Where's the girl beneath?
Somewhere behind
bones that once protruded towards the sky,
scanning the night for light

Let myself be plucked,
pulled away by eager, abusive hands
Tongue against flesh,
living a Manzana's Song,
being consumed
Though nothing left to give
the barrel was scraped,
bobbing and drowning for more and more,
to give
until every heart went fallow

Moved home to help Daddy die,
roots withering, pulling away from earth
Between us were sandwiches, apple slices
and secret stars
Growing again,
white limbs stretching towards the skies,
toes dipping deep into graveyard dirt
Eat red and golden apples from my hands,
self-sustaining with shade to spare
Offer a bite or two of what's mine
but not all

No, no
was never meant to give away all