Cracked Numbers

In 2 days it would've been 8 years together
but 7 months and 26 days ago we hit the 1 year mark of breaking

I added it up one night
7 different kisses I shared with someone else
and I would trade every one

Not for more time, not for more love
but for you to believe me when I say
I'm sorry

I'm sorry for the 3 times I broke up with you
without the backbone to make it stick
For the countless times I evaded and dodged,
each one building into a lie
For every okay I mumbled,
when I was far from fine with you
For the 1,349.3 miles I moved, from there to here
because at 23 years old I was running away from home

For every time I didn't believe you when you said I was pretty
and each  man I found to prove myself wrong
For the 1 glistening knife I put in your back after we broke up

because the depth of my insecurity can justify almost anything

For those key moments when I chose surrender instead of fight,
never completely insisting you be the man I needed you to be
For each time I made it okay for you to hide from me and yourself

For the 7 times I crawled back to you,
an addict taking shelter in your love,
knowing full well I would betray it again once a craving hit

Because of the choices I've made

the numbers are stacked against me
Knowing that half the responsbility for 6 years not working
is on my shoulders
I have never been more sorry for it
than I am right now

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