Milky Way Dreams
1.
in the car
I asked if the Big Dipper was full of milk,
he said that the Milky Way filled it up
and one day it would tip over and flood the world;
I asked if blood had stripes and polka-dots
and she said absolutely-
the house is still covered in unicorns and crystals,
walls lined with books and glass
though water seeps through the tiles now-
the plumbing finally giving in
as I watch from hundreds of miles away
2.
Nancy Drew in my coat pocket,
a mystery on a slow night
takes me away
and I think that one day I will be as brilliant-
crawling on hands and knees in a department store
looking for secret passages
and finding a mirror/door with a keyhole to a security room
overlooking the women's department-
I keep hoping Nancy can tell me why I flinch when I'm touched
and why I don't like to visit the country house anymore,
but this isn't The Secret of the Old Clock or The Hidden Staircase
and she can't give me an answer that won't hurt
he grabbed my shoulders in the store and pulled back,
saying "Stand up straight"
they exchanged a worried glance about my posture
and how broken I looked
I was slouching, my bones curving to protect my chest
I was Mary Lennox and playing in my Secret Garden
I wanted to break all the glass unicorns in the house
I wanted to be noticed and invisible
"Come see the door I found"
and took his safe, warm hand in mine
3.
the car passes by cloud factories
and I see the Big Dipper spread above our heads in the clear sky outside of town,
in the distance the towers blink red,
the house is thirty minutes from the time we see the lights
4.
they say they're moving out for two weeks while the plumbing is repaired;
I wonder if the workers will carry away all the unicorn statues
and line their pockets with crystals
or find the leftover rations we gathered for the Y2K
or see the books on 2012 next to Grimm's Fairy Tales and Letters to a Young Poet-
I could tell them when we put down the tile
there were mounds of sand and glitter beneath the carpet,
and that I brushed the living room walls with yellow myself,
but they don't care about those things-
they'll fix the plumbing
and everyone will move back in,
and pretend that the house wasn't weeping at all
5.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Red Tower Lights-
once upon a time two little girls used to visit the country
until one day, they didn't want to go anymore
they're parents never asked why
and the girls never said, never looked each other in the eye-
they drove away from the tower lights,
the house was 30 minutes behind them
6.
December 31st, 1999
wrapped in a fleece blanket, waiting for the lights to go out,
waiting for the world to end,
waiting for milk to fall from the sky and wash away the pain-
but not comprehending
when the lights stayed on and squeezing my eyes shut,
not knowing what to do with
January 1st, 2000
and the rest of my life
7.
Do not feed me the Milky Way
with a silver spoon.
8.
I wonder if my blood will have polka-dots
when I get a unicorn tattooed on my leg
to remember where I come from-
remember the house we all built together
with a leaking foundation,
dark, lofty dreams,
and the best of all good intentions
in the car
I asked if the Big Dipper was full of milk,
he said that the Milky Way filled it up
and one day it would tip over and flood the world;
I asked if blood had stripes and polka-dots
and she said absolutely-
the house is still covered in unicorns and crystals,
walls lined with books and glass
though water seeps through the tiles now-
the plumbing finally giving in
as I watch from hundreds of miles away
2.
Nancy Drew in my coat pocket,
a mystery on a slow night
takes me away
and I think that one day I will be as brilliant-
crawling on hands and knees in a department store
looking for secret passages
and finding a mirror/door with a keyhole to a security room
overlooking the women's department-
I keep hoping Nancy can tell me why I flinch when I'm touched
and why I don't like to visit the country house anymore,
but this isn't The Secret of the Old Clock or The Hidden Staircase
and she can't give me an answer that won't hurt
he grabbed my shoulders in the store and pulled back,
saying "Stand up straight"
they exchanged a worried glance about my posture
and how broken I looked
I was slouching, my bones curving to protect my chest
I was Mary Lennox and playing in my Secret Garden
I wanted to break all the glass unicorns in the house
I wanted to be noticed and invisible
"Come see the door I found"
and took his safe, warm hand in mine
3.
the car passes by cloud factories
and I see the Big Dipper spread above our heads in the clear sky outside of town,
in the distance the towers blink red,
the house is thirty minutes from the time we see the lights
4.
they say they're moving out for two weeks while the plumbing is repaired;
I wonder if the workers will carry away all the unicorn statues
and line their pockets with crystals
or find the leftover rations we gathered for the Y2K
or see the books on 2012 next to Grimm's Fairy Tales and Letters to a Young Poet-
I could tell them when we put down the tile
there were mounds of sand and glitter beneath the carpet,
and that I brushed the living room walls with yellow myself,
but they don't care about those things-
they'll fix the plumbing
and everyone will move back in,
and pretend that the house wasn't weeping at all
5.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Red Tower Lights-
once upon a time two little girls used to visit the country
until one day, they didn't want to go anymore
they're parents never asked why
and the girls never said, never looked each other in the eye-
they drove away from the tower lights,
the house was 30 minutes behind them
6.
December 31st, 1999
wrapped in a fleece blanket, waiting for the lights to go out,
waiting for the world to end,
waiting for milk to fall from the sky and wash away the pain-
but not comprehending
when the lights stayed on and squeezing my eyes shut,
not knowing what to do with
January 1st, 2000
and the rest of my life
7.
Do not feed me the Milky Way
with a silver spoon.
8.
I wonder if my blood will have polka-dots
when I get a unicorn tattooed on my leg
to remember where I come from-
remember the house we all built together
with a leaking foundation,
dark, lofty dreams,
and the best of all good intentions
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