Storm Tossed

There was an arrogance in my withholding
A brass assumption you would always want me
even after I left for good

You were an anchor for my sailing ship
Afraid you would drag me under
even as you saved me from the wind

You move on
and I am broken open

Maybe if I had the strength to pull you up
Maybe if you had the courage to let me go
Maybe this story would be different


I miss you tonight
and how you held me in your sleep
Wishing I could kiss your bronze eyelashes
and regretting every time I walked out
Ashamed I sought in someone else
what I should have found in you


I am sailing away, too

Perhaps it is fear of the unknown
that storm tosses my dreams
or
the knowledge that I gave you so many reasons
to be glad I'm gone


There is no more pretending,
no avoiding the deeply rolling waves,
no way to not see I was half the problem


After these gales
you may never know how much I loved you,
or believe me when I say
I know you loved me too


Wishing if we were always meant to end,
that I had tried harder
loved harder
been less afraid
been more than the sum of patched and crooked sails


I will find a new horizon,
but not tonight


Tonight is for love and regret,
and the taste of sea salt on my lips